Anxiety

For those of you who don't know, I suffer from anxiety attacks. With the wedding coming up in one week from tomorrow, those attacks have become more frequent lately. Depending on the severity of the attack I can have a few different reactions. A small attack will cause a stomach ache...something that I can cure by laying down and relaxing. A large attack will cause dry heaving, diarreah, and uncontrollable shakes. It will give me the feeling like I am going to pass out and they are really scary! I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago and he gave me some anti-anxiety medicine. The first and last time I took it, it made me feel weird all day and extremely tired. I took it and fell back asleep for 4 1/2 hours. I really don't like taking it and am trying to avoid it.

So it seems that the issues surrounding a wedding only get worse as you get closer to the date. We have not only already replaced one bridesmaid, two groomsmen, and a personal attendant, but now we are getting a new pastor....wtf? Our pastor that we are so comfortable with and have been seeing the past 8 months has informed us 2 weeks before the wedding that he can't marry us. He has something going on with his family..not an emergency..but something he needs to be there for. Our church just got a new pastor who has agreed to marry us, however we have never met him. One of my bridesmaids informed me last week that she needs to make up 4 inches to fit in her dress...Yikes! I am a little nervous about that one. I finally got a hold of our caterer and actually met her for the first time on Tuesday. That made me feel a lot better since it has been months and a long process to get a hold of her. My Matron of Honor is flying in Thursday, only to be rushed to the tailor to get her dress altered. I hope we don't have issues around that...?? I am pretty confident with that one since she has been very responsible with losing weight and I don't think I have to worry. I just hope that everything works out. We met with our cake lady last night and she is having issues getting the color right on the buttercream. After a trip to Sweet Celebrations and some quick brainstorming, we changed the whole look of the cake. It will be a lot easier to make and still look beautiful.

Work is more hectic than usual. Kim is leaving us Wed. next week and so our work starting to double yesterday since she isn't taking any more requests. This way she can work on getting rid of the 100 that she has. I am really going to miss her because now I am stuck with the "boys". At least she will still be working downtown so I can still see her for lunch and stuff. I am really happy for her that she got a permanent position. She deserves to be with a good company and have a stable position. I know how I felt when I was offered the FTE position.
Well, back to work as much to do!

Another bad one!

Saturday night I had another bad dream! This time it involved my mom trying to take Mikayla away. What is the deal with these dreams. They are only a few days apart and in each one someone is trying to take Mikayla. We went to church on Sunday and had to leave a little early to get some more wedding things done. We went to Adam's parent's house and picked out his pictures for the DVD that will play before the ceremony. I have them all scanned in and on their way from Snapfish. I can't wait to see how they turned out. Then I have to get them to the videographer in St Paul. I can't wait to see it :) I can't decide if I want to see if before the wedding or be surprised. I guess I wouldn't really get to see it if it plays before the ceremony. Anyway, my bridal shower is this Sunday. I am so excited. I think it is all coming together now. I know that Megan and Rhonda got together and went over all the details and stuff so it should be fun. I am so fortunate to have two such great people in my life. ( I have more too :) ) Well, that's about it for now.
TTYL!

Bad Dream

I am in a somewhat bad/weird mood. I think it started with the bad/weird dream I had last night. It was about Mikayla's bio-dad trying to take her from me. Adam was there and was really mad about the whole situation. I can't remember details but I remember the main point. I think it got me thinking about what happens to Mikayla if something happened to me. Would Adam get to keep her or would they try to give her to her bio-dad? After talking it over with one of my friend's at work I decided to make a will. I found out that you don't have to go to a lawyer to make a legal will. You can go to any stationary store, buy the "Will Kit", and get three people to sign with a notary present. That's alot cheaper than paying a lawyer to do it. Then I also started thinking about letting Adam adopt Mikayla. He really wants to and for some reason I am the hesitant one. He is the only "dad" she has known since her 1st birthday, so why not. He hasn't paid child support since 12-06 and hasn't seen her since her first birthday by his own choice. Maybe he would love getting out of having to pay child support anyway. I just fear that she will be turn to me later in life and be upset for not putting forth an effort to find him or contact him. I don't want her to feel abandoned by him or think that I was keeping her from him by any means. He just up and left and never told me he was moving or leaving the state or anything. He just didn't ever call again to see her. I feel so bad for her. Anyway it is Friday the 13th today too so you know kind of just a weird day all together.
TTYL.

Another Day

So most of you that will read this already knows that Adam and I are having problems with our apartment building and the security that it does NOT provide. Last night after picking up Mikayla I found that the front security door had paper shoved into the latches therefore restricting the door from locking. My 3 year old daughter was able to push this huge and heavy door open all by herself. Nice security! After getting the mail I went upstairs, dropped everything and grabbed my camera. I immediately went back downstairs and took pictures of the situation. This is not the first time that paper has been shoved in the locks. Usually it is our side security door, but the front door I feel is a lot more serious! I am preparing to print out all these photos that I have been taking and package that with a long letter to the office explaining that they need to fix these issues or lose several renters. I am so tired of this! Anyway I just wanted to vent about that since I am so frustrated with it!

Our wedding plans are still coming along. I just realized yesterday after I got the invitation to Megan's wedding that I should probably start making the invitations. I think we have one box and need like 3 more boxes. I am working on getting all the photos in order for the DVD that will play before the ceremony. There is like 60 photos that I have to get in order and off to the videographer. Fun times!

I am finally a full time employee with Wells Fargo! YAY!! Starting July 16th I will be eligible for all the Wells Fargo perks. I am so excited. My benefits won't kick until until September 1st, but that's ok. They have great benefits so it is worth the wait. I need to start planning for Mikayla's birthday party too. Lots to do. Well, back to work. TTYL!

This is the Beginning...
So it seems like everyone is leaning towards these free Blog sites now for those that don't have myspace or maybe just need a separate venue to vent. This seems like a good idea. Just be careful who you tell about these to. There are a lot of weirdo's out there nowadays that will read all your personal messages and use that against you. Get a life....really! Anyway this is kind of my test run to see how it all looks and hopefully I will blog more soon. TTYL!